there is nothing in my head!

so its been awhile since i last posted but tons of stuff has been going on. most of you know by now but for those of you that haven't heard i was worried for the past few weeks that i might have a brain tumor. I've been having rather weird pressure headaches throughout the day. before i could ask my doctor what it could be i looked up information online. apparently pressure headaches can be a lot of things like tension headaches, headaches from high-blood pressure or worst case a brain tumor. naturally, being so traumatized with tumors i automatically think the worse. a brain tumor. on top of EVERYTHING else a brain tumor. i think this time i was really really scared. a new level of fear just filled me up!

finally on Monday i had an appointment with Dr. Chen and i told her about the headaches. she didn't want to play around so she ordered an MRI right away. the only good news i could see from all of this was that the type of chemo i am currently getting treats brain and neck tumors. so i guess that was a plus. other then that i was super scared. Tuesday i went to get the MRI. the whole time i was in the tube all i kept doing was thinking just how loud that machine was and praying! all i kept doing was talking to God and asking him to please let everything be OK.

yesterday, i got the call. 9:00am Dr. Chen called. she told me my MRI was clear. no brain tumor!!!!!!!! i was SO happy! i don't know if I'll ever hear the words "you re cancer free" but I'm sure hearing that was a lot like how i would feel! right after that phone call i cried like no body's business! i was so grateful to God and to everyone who has been praying for me! God really does listen! I've never felt like that before! it was amazing!

I'm still getting the headaches but not as often and Tylenol seems to be working just fine. I'm thinking it maybe because its so hot out. i cant really handle 85 and above heat. hopefully, this headache problem will all be in the past soon!

not sure how to feel

so those of you who may or may not know. i didn't get some good news on Friday. for the past few weeks i was having pain and excessive bloating in my lower abdomen. i finally went in to Dr. Chen and told her whats going on. i asked her if she thought maybe it had to do with the radiation. she said normally if i was going to have any type of pain it would be where i was getting radiation. when she listened to my abdomen she said she could definitively hear things are moving very slowly in there and that's why i was feeling full. she scheduled a CT scan ASAP to see whats up.

i went for my CT scan last Thursday and got my results on Friday morning. found out i have a bunch of little tiny tumors all up in my intestines. these little tumors are what cased things to slow down in my digestive system. i was happy to finally be able to have an answer but man it felt like hearing i have cancer all over again. it was so hard to hear. i knew going into this battle was going to be hard but i didn't think how much it was going to hurt.

all day Friday and over the weekend all i could think of was how much of a failure i was. am i doing something wrong? did i say something not right? i don't get it! i thought i was doing so well. i feel so many things right now. one things for sure is i don't feel like giving up. this just has to be a little bump or trip through my which feels like an endless journey.

the results

well i did yet again another endoscopy test yesterday. this time they completely knocked me out, thank goodness! so i didn't feel a thing. the doctor who did the procedure, Dr. Chui, told Robert that he did see the main tumor and the little lymph nodes around the esophagus. he told Robert that he would talk with Dr. May Chen and see what they can do about it.

today i saw Dr. Chen and she told me that radiation therapy maybe the answer along with chemotherapy. my radiation will be for 3 weeks straight and i will be getting chemo once a week. I'll be getting a lower dose of chemo. Dr. Chen said based on the type of chemo i was already getting this treatment should be no problem. so i should get through this with no problem. after the treatment I'll be getting another PET scan to check for anything else that we've might have missed.

I'm so excited and extremely happy that this stupid nightmare is almost over!!!! i cant wait for my hair to grow back! i cant wait to just start my life again. cancer puts a hold on everything. it doesn't stop you from living your life but it does stop your day to day "normal" life. cancer just sucks in general and i cannot wait to put this behind me!
on another note... Michael Jackson's memorial was extremely moving and touching...Michael may you RIP. thank you for being the soundtrack of my childhood. thank you for your Thriller video because without it i don't think i would have eaten much as a child.=) My mom used to carry the thriller video everywhere and put it on so i could eat. my eyes would stay glued to the TV as Michael and all the monsters would dance around. my mouth would just drop open while my mom would feed me. thank you for your Bad album because without that i would not have been able to run around my house singing to your songs and putting on concerts for my stuff animals and to anyone that would listen to me. thank you for all your music videos because without them i don't think my mom would have anything to threaten me with to take my naps. she would tell me "Juana, you better go to sleep! Otherwise you're not gonna watch Michael on MTV!" thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! you will always be in my heart!

things are looking up

i got my PET scan results and the votes are in. the cancer that was on my bones are no longer there. I'm all clear on my bones!!!!! we are heading in the right direction! chemo is working! my main tumor is there but Dr. Chen said there is no activity going on. it may just be dead cells that are there. But even with all this good news there is a little bit of bad. On the scan there was a little spot that showed up near my esophagus. its about 1 centimeter. they aren't totally sure as to what it is so this Monday I'll be seeing the stomach doctor again and they will be putting a camera down my throat to check it out. i'll keep you all posted.

but over all things are looking up. my war against cancer is still on its way and it looks like i'm winning! Juanita: 1 Cancer: 0

nightastic birthdays!

i dont care who you are....this is HELLA funny! LOL! oh disneyland! how i love you so!

PS...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

A Wicked Weekend!

This past weekend Robert and i went on a little getaway to San Francisco. it was absolutely awesome! Thanks to one of my very best friends, Adrian, we were able to stay at the JW Marriott off of Post street. This hotel was amazing! i totally recommend staying here! Beautiful!after we checked in our SWEET digs, we headed out to the movies to watch the new Disney-Pixar movie Up. Two thumbs up WAY UP! This movie hit me on an emotional level. i think i cried so much cause of whats been going on in my life. i know the characters aren't going through cancer or something crazy but mainly because i want that kind of life with Robert. hopefully I'll get better and i will live a full life with Robert. that's the plan anyway. i related a lot to earl and Ellie with not being able to have children just because that might be something i will be going through as well. so yeah this movie hit me like a ton of bricks and i loved it!

the next day, Robert and i got up and head out to where all the hippies hang out in San Francisco! haight and ashbury! this place reeks of weed!!!! LOL! they had awesome art work all over the place. the environment was so chill and cool. they had really cool shops and names for restaurants. very original! i loved it! OH and also in the area is the house in the Disney TV show That's so Raven! cool stuff!

After hanging out with all the hippiest people in San Francisco we headed out to the Hippiest and FABULOUS area in San Francisco....THE CASTRO!!!! i loved it here! we saw how everyone here could just BE there self! nobody was judging them. nobody cared who you were kissing or holding hands with. it was so awesome! you were really able to just relax and be who you were. Robert and i were saying too bad the rest of the world couldn't be the same way. its kinda sad actually.

after all the excitement we went back to the room to rest before dinner. Dinner was at kuleto's in union square. it was pretty yummy! stuff mushrooms and chicken with marinara sauce is the bomb! we felt very fancy and rich! hahaha lame i know but still its fun to pretend! after dinner it was Wicked time! that Broadway show was AMAZING! i was totally blown away with such a great performance. i can see what all the fuss was all about.

my memorial day weekend!

so my weekend was super busy! 2 graduations, an awesome day at Napa and a trip to the beach. many congrats goes to my girl Christine Ann Pingel and my cousin Alex Chavez. I'm so proud of you both!
Napa was BEAUTIFUL! we headed over to my aunts house and had a BBQ. after the BBQ Robert, my dad and my nino went to play golf while my tia, my mom, Mandy and myself went wine tasting. the first winery we went to is run by Walt Disney's daughter Diane Miller. that place is absolutely beautiful. its the same place they filmed soarin' over California. we also got to meet the man who helped open the winery at Disney's California Adventures. good knowledge! more Random facts i know about Disney!

From there we headed out to a castle winery just down the road. the man who built it spared NO expense! every rock that was use to build the castle was hand made! he didn't want his castle to look fake so everything was top of the line. we did a 1 1/2 hour tour of the place and at the end we did some wine tasting. we absolutely loved it!
and today Mandy, Jessica, kiwi and myself made our way to Seacliff state beach in Capitola. such a beautiful day. best beach day so far this year! we talked about our trip to Hawaii next year and plans for this upcoming Disneyland trip in June...should be fun! once we were done playing at the beach Jess and i headed to the mall where we had a shopping fail day. nothing really catched our eyes so not a very productive day at valley fair. maybe next time. oh yeah FUCK you old navy and your bullshit $1 flip-flops! why didn't you save any for me! FUCKERS...tis all...