there is nothing in my head!

so its been awhile since i last posted but tons of stuff has been going on. most of you know by now but for those of you that haven't heard i was worried for the past few weeks that i might have a brain tumor. I've been having rather weird pressure headaches throughout the day. before i could ask my doctor what it could be i looked up information online. apparently pressure headaches can be a lot of things like tension headaches, headaches from high-blood pressure or worst case a brain tumor. naturally, being so traumatized with tumors i automatically think the worse. a brain tumor. on top of EVERYTHING else a brain tumor. i think this time i was really really scared. a new level of fear just filled me up!

finally on Monday i had an appointment with Dr. Chen and i told her about the headaches. she didn't want to play around so she ordered an MRI right away. the only good news i could see from all of this was that the type of chemo i am currently getting treats brain and neck tumors. so i guess that was a plus. other then that i was super scared. Tuesday i went to get the MRI. the whole time i was in the tube all i kept doing was thinking just how loud that machine was and praying! all i kept doing was talking to God and asking him to please let everything be OK.

yesterday, i got the call. 9:00am Dr. Chen called. she told me my MRI was clear. no brain tumor!!!!!!!! i was SO happy! i don't know if I'll ever hear the words "you re cancer free" but I'm sure hearing that was a lot like how i would feel! right after that phone call i cried like no body's business! i was so grateful to God and to everyone who has been praying for me! God really does listen! I've never felt like that before! it was amazing!

I'm still getting the headaches but not as often and Tylenol seems to be working just fine. I'm thinking it maybe because its so hot out. i cant really handle 85 and above heat. hopefully, this headache problem will all be in the past soon!

not sure how to feel

so those of you who may or may not know. i didn't get some good news on Friday. for the past few weeks i was having pain and excessive bloating in my lower abdomen. i finally went in to Dr. Chen and told her whats going on. i asked her if she thought maybe it had to do with the radiation. she said normally if i was going to have any type of pain it would be where i was getting radiation. when she listened to my abdomen she said she could definitively hear things are moving very slowly in there and that's why i was feeling full. she scheduled a CT scan ASAP to see whats up.

i went for my CT scan last Thursday and got my results on Friday morning. found out i have a bunch of little tiny tumors all up in my intestines. these little tumors are what cased things to slow down in my digestive system. i was happy to finally be able to have an answer but man it felt like hearing i have cancer all over again. it was so hard to hear. i knew going into this battle was going to be hard but i didn't think how much it was going to hurt.

all day Friday and over the weekend all i could think of was how much of a failure i was. am i doing something wrong? did i say something not right? i don't get it! i thought i was doing so well. i feel so many things right now. one things for sure is i don't feel like giving up. this just has to be a little bump or trip through my which feels like an endless journey.