Confused????

so today's chemo treatment was put off yet another week. turns out my blood count (white blood cells) was too low again! i don't understand! i mean i do understand but at the same time I'm just so confused???? Dr. Chen told me that the reason my counts were to low is because I've already had so many rounds of chemo that my bone marrow is really slow to make more white blood cells. she didn't look worried at all and thinks I'm doing really well. BUT STILL! i mean is that OK? do i have to take a break from chemo? WTF!? i just wanna get better. I'm sick of being SICK! i know I'm on my way but all this stuff, these little bumps confuse the hell out of me! I'M I REALLY GETTING BETTER? I'm feeling fine but my blood work says other wise. now i have to get more of those shots to keep my white cells up. i got one shot today and i have to come back tomorrow and Wednesday. Friday i go back and get my blood work done. Wendy, the nurse practitioner, will see me and tell me if I'm good to go on the following Monday for treatment. Dr. Chen did say that she is very amazed as to how well I'm doing with this many rounds of treatment. she said most people don't even make it through 2-3 rounds of this type of chemo. my mother-in-law said its cause I'm stubborn and i wont let the cancer get the best of me. i say its cause i say FUCK YOU CANCER and GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BODY and P.S. i hate you. hahaha....

my cousin Alex's wedding is Saturday so i didn't wanna have chemo at the end of this week. i cant be sick on their wedding day! Alex is like a brother to me. i would be very upset if i missed it. i have a job to do that day. I'm the bubble passer expert! BUBBLES BUBBLES BUBBLES (*in the voice of that yellow tank fish in Finding Nemo*). oh well....hope you all had a fabulous Mother's Day!