break time is over, back to chemo

round 8 official started this past Monday. this time i felt a little more sick then normal so they upped my meds a bit. it made me feel really weird and then eventually i passed the fuck out. all i know is it made me feel sick when i got home. nasty! oh well...

this past weekend was my cousin's wedding. the ceremony was beautiful! actually everything was nice! I'm so happy for them both! Renee is officially my cousin-in-law! yay! as a gift to them Robert and i got them Disney dollars for there honeymoon and very cool extensive fun guide that i put together for them. i hope they have fun...what am i saying OF COURSE they will have fun! its Disneyland!

the following day, Sunday, we went to the giants and mets game with some friends. it was hella hot for being San Francisco, but once we got in our seats the temperature cooled off. giants won the game but sadly did not win the series. mets wanted it more. good job to both teams!

what will you celebrate?

MY LIFE! Congrats to me on my 6 month anniversary! 6 months ago on Nov 12, 2008 i was told i have cancer. i was told that without treatment i would have 6 months or so left to live. Crazy huh?! back then i wasn't sure how i would be but turns out 6 months later I'm still kicking ass and looking awesome! I'm so grateful that i don't look like shit and I've been doing so well. these past few months I've been to Disneyland 3 times, gone to a lot of giants and sharks games, went to Santa Cruz a thousand times, hung out with my bestest friends, and gone to fantastic family events! thank you for all your prayers and company. I've made up with friends that I've had conflicts with. most of that stuff was pointless and stupid. I'm kind of glad that i have cancer cause i think its made me a better person as a whole. it really puts things into perspective. i like to think I've come a long way. I've made new friends. some of them are fellow cancer peeps and nurses who are the most awesomest people ever. don't get me wrong getting cancer sucks and it was not on my to do list but you have to deal with whatever cards you're dealt with. I've made lemonade with the lemons life gave me. i hope i continue doing fabulous and with that i raise my cup of Starbucks to you cancer and say "Cancer, you are a bitch. fuck you and thanks for the good times! Cheers!"

Confused????

so today's chemo treatment was put off yet another week. turns out my blood count (white blood cells) was too low again! i don't understand! i mean i do understand but at the same time I'm just so confused???? Dr. Chen told me that the reason my counts were to low is because I've already had so many rounds of chemo that my bone marrow is really slow to make more white blood cells. she didn't look worried at all and thinks I'm doing really well. BUT STILL! i mean is that OK? do i have to take a break from chemo? WTF!? i just wanna get better. I'm sick of being SICK! i know I'm on my way but all this stuff, these little bumps confuse the hell out of me! I'M I REALLY GETTING BETTER? I'm feeling fine but my blood work says other wise. now i have to get more of those shots to keep my white cells up. i got one shot today and i have to come back tomorrow and Wednesday. Friday i go back and get my blood work done. Wendy, the nurse practitioner, will see me and tell me if I'm good to go on the following Monday for treatment. Dr. Chen did say that she is very amazed as to how well I'm doing with this many rounds of treatment. she said most people don't even make it through 2-3 rounds of this type of chemo. my mother-in-law said its cause I'm stubborn and i wont let the cancer get the best of me. i say its cause i say FUCK YOU CANCER and GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BODY and P.S. i hate you. hahaha....

my cousin Alex's wedding is Saturday so i didn't wanna have chemo at the end of this week. i cant be sick on their wedding day! Alex is like a brother to me. i would be very upset if i missed it. i have a job to do that day. I'm the bubble passer expert! BUBBLES BUBBLES BUBBLES (*in the voice of that yellow tank fish in Finding Nemo*). oh well....hope you all had a fabulous Mother's Day!

getting my mediport!

Alright team I'm finally going under the knife! it's not anything huge like a full on surgery but it is a minor one. I'm getting a mediport put in for my chemo treatments. its kinda like what i used have in my arm but now its gonna be in my chest. i have to admit i am a little scared. I've never been through anything like this so the thought of something being put in my chest is crazy to me. but I've been reading up on it online and I've seen pictures of it so I'm not too worried about it anymore. i read peoples comments about their experiences and most of them said that its not big thang. most don't even remember the procedure. so this mediport is just another little bump in the road. i can deal.

so this mediport thing is gonna be hella better then the pic line was. no more dressing and stupid arm bands that gave me a bad tan line. LAME! the pictures of a mediport shows like a little bump in your chest but its nothing i cant hide with a cute ass tank top! well take care everyone and happy early mothers day everyone!This is a picture a a girl who got a mediport put in. the lines are just where they are gonna do radiation.

GOOD NEWS!

I'm finally better enough to let all you know that my tumor is shrinking! Yep that's right...shrinking! i went in for round 7 of chemo this past Monday. i talked to my doctor to see if she had heard anything about my last CT scan. the last time i talked to her she said she couldn't tell if my tumor was smaller or bigger cause she had nothing to compare it too. i told her we had the old scans so she might be able to compare. we did that and the radiologist said my tumor is smaller! FINALLY i know where i stand!

they took out my pic line cause it wasn't working anymore. they had to poke me and put an IV in my hand so i can get my chemo. that was not fun at all! when they told me that they had to take out my PIC line i was scared that it might hurt cause they were gonna just pull it out! i was like oh heck no! BLOOD everywhere!!! but that was not the case =) no blood was spilled.

on another note...my hair looks like its growing back. i have some kind of fuzz so that's cool. my cousin Jr stopped by and wanted to see and he said i looked tough. hahaha i am pretty bad ass so yeah i gots to look the part if I'm gonna act the part!

CT results tomorrow

Tomorrow i get my results for last Thursdays CT results. I'm really scared... i don't feel any different. still have no pain, don't feel any worse, everything seems normal. i think that's what scares me the most. the fact that i feel fine scares the hell out of me. before all this crap started i felt fine! so i really don't know what to feel. I'm still keeping my head up and hope for the best but still. Dr. Chen thinks I'm doing great. with her thinking that i think maybe just maybe everything will be fine but I'm still skeptical. well i guess we'll find out tomorrow. keep your fingers cross!

bald, disneyland and a NEW CAR!

Hello! So i finally did it! i finally shaved my head this past weekend! No, i didn't have a breakdown like my girl Britney Spears. It was just time. Most of my hair was gone anyways so it needed to be done. I'm OK with it. it was weird at first seeing my head for the first time. CRAZY. but I'm OK. i don't look too bad with no hair, i mean i would love it if i had it but I'm OK without it for now. my sister and my dad had to help me out a little when i was cutting it off. i couldn't see the back of my head. my mom had a hard time with it. she was upset and felt bad about me having to go through this. i can understand. if i was a mom watching her daughter go through cancer i would be upset too.


on a happy note: WE'RE LEAVING FOR DISNEYLAND IN 2 DAYS!!! Yes folks we are going back to Disneyland for the the 3rd time in 4 months! LOL! We're crazy i know, but i love it so who cares! this time were talking the Disney gang with us. we leave on Thursday and come back on Sunday, so not too long. I'm really excited about this trip cause we made shirts for everyone! the girls and i thought it would be cool if all of us had a shirt with a ride on it. the shirts came out awesome! i cant wait to show you pictures. I'll be sure to update during the trip!


on another happy note: ROBERT AND I GOT A NEW CAR! we are now proud owners of a 2008 ford escape. its the family car. Robert and i don't have any kids so it'll be our little toy to play with for a while. in case you were wondering why we got a new one its cause Robert's mustang got into a little accident 2 Sundays ago. it was messed up and it couldn't be saved so that's where the new car came into play. Robert did an excellent job at wheeling and dealing at the dealership. i was very proud of my man! good job baby!

well that looks like that's all for now...I'll be updating during the trip!